10 TRAIL COMMANDMENTS
1. Thou shalt not take a mate’s spare tube and not pay him back. Cash is fine but a replacement tube is better.
2. Thou shalt not finish a sausage roll and Coke five minutes before the ride and later complain of feeling sick.
3. Thou shalt at least attempt to change your own tyre before asking someone else to step in.
4. Honour thy bike and thy gear. Look after your bike and don’t leave your stinky gear in the gearbag for two weeks.
5. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. If your mate can’t get up a hill, don’t lie and tell him you did it easy when you were there last.
6. Thou shalt not kill. Just because your mate fills you in through a puddle doesn’t mean you can bury him in a shallow grave.
7. Thou shalt have no other gods before dirtbikes. It doesn’t even matter if the footy is on — record it and ride instead.
8. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. And there is nothing more holy than throwing metres of roost through the bush.
9. Honour thy father and thy mother; especially if they bought your bike for you.
10. Thou shalt not take the name of your bike in vain. Are you sure it’s your bike’s fault you can’t ride ruts or clear logs?